Good times

So it’s coming up to 2 years since my husband had his affair. Getting past this New Year was a big thing for me, because it meant that there was a whole year between now and what happened… and although the affair was actually March 2010 – like I say nearly 2 years ago, that whole year in between seems to make a massive difference… almost like a wall of concrete between me and my life now, and the horrendous time that was 2010.
I don’t know if it’s that that makes a difference, but recently I’ve been feeling that I don’t need to be sad any more. I’ve often spoke about how I’m not angry at my husband for what he did, and I’m still not angry on the whole. Just at times I feel less sad, and more angry I think.
I see that as an improvement, because ‘sad’ gets old…. Crying gets old. I have cried more ears than I ever felt possible… And to be honest, althought the sadness is fading, the tears still come – often after a song or a movie that hits just that little bit too close to home.

We had a lovely Christmas, and new year was quiet as usual, but he did happen to arrive home from work two strokes after midnight so it was lovely. I love how my husband finds those things important, like me. Everyday I am reminded how right we are together… We always have been… That makes things pretty tough sometimes, because he DID have an affair, in spite of us being perfect together.

In other news thing have been pretty normal… which makes a change… and anybody who has been through an affair will understand what I mean. Life is never normal after an affair because the affair is at the forefront of your mind all of the time. And when I say all, I mean all. Lately I’ve found that some days, possibly whole days I haven’t actually thought of the affair at all. This does surprise me, but on the other hand everywhere at you look online says the recovery time is 2 to 5 years… So perhaps hitting two years will be a massive milestone and things will only get better from here. I’m sure things will only get better from here. I want you to know if you’re new to this blog, or even if you’re an old reader who has been with me from the beginning,or close to the beginning. At times I felt there was no point in carrying on. At times I felt every day was just too much of a struggle – I can’t tell you how many times I’ve said “this is too hard” … But I am here to tell you that if you just fight through those days… better days will come and lots of them.



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5 responses to “Good times

  1. I am so glad to see this post from you. It will be 2 years for me in march as well. I am excited for the day for the same reasons you described. A concrete barrier. I think if there was no child borne of his affair, no $4k per month in child support and no $100k + in lawyer fees I’d be further ahead. It’s hard to move forward when it is always in your face. So hard. I applaud you for your continued strength and perseverance. So many don’t understand why the fight. When you feel they are perfect for you and just fumbled…you fight. I know what that’s like. So glad you’re coming to a new place. I hit anger in September and it was short lived compared to sadness. Once it moved off, it was like a fast forward to healing for me. I wish that for
    You too 🙂

    • I have no idea how you survive this with a child involved. For a time I wondered if one day she would turn up with a baby in arms. We have mutual friends so I know she was never pregnant. I am lucky, and thankful for that. I know how hard this has been without the added pain and stress of a child. Does he see him/her? I am interested to know how you feel about his involvement…. Or if he’s not, how would you feel if he was involved? It has crossed my mind, because I am unable to have children of my own without IVF, so if he had had a child with her it would have been a very difficult situation.
      I read a chunk of your blog this week…. You amaze me with your strength… Thank you for reading mine xxx

      • It’s excruciating. Especially knowing that she had the child for malicious reasons, to rub our faces in the affair, angry that she had “lost”. She even went so far as to ask me to keep working hard at my job since she was going to be getting child support. This process would be a million times easier if there was no child. She would have been gone from our lives long ago, and we wouldn’t have incurred the enormous legal fees that we have in fighting her in court, and now a 22 year monthly commitment in child support, not to mention the add on costs for babysitting and childcare that are exclusive of monthly support. It makes me sick to think about.

        Yes, her stalking me and harassment of our family would have gone on, but a simple restraining order would have fixed that. However, with a child….she is never gone, and never will be. She will forever live in the wings.

        My husband has no contact. He had never laid eyes on the child. He doesn’t want to. The OW is so incredibly toxic, that he feels that any draw he feels to this child will be overcome by the disgust that she is also a part of “her”. He is disgusted by her.

        I know some will be disgusted that he is not taking a role. Some will scoff and disagree. It is a personal choice, and about as useful as those who question why betrayed women stay. Everyone has an opinion. It’s just not the right choice for us in this situation.

        An affair without a child….sounds almost romantic to me in comparison to this reality. It is a nightmare.

  2. Adella

    Wishing the 5plus years for us would hurry and get here.. I was in 2008 and I still hurt and cry.. The is the 2nd time I’ve been in marriages where my husband decided I wasn’t good enough for him. This time I didn’t leave. But now I wished I had left. He says he sorry “ONLY” when I cry.. He does superficial things like bring coffee to bed, roses, etc., but it don’t help. What do I want? I WANT TO KNOW WHY? Why did he do it? What was wrong with me? I don’t think I love him anymore.. It dies a little each day. I do need him now, to pay my bills, and keep a roof over my head. I deserve it; and he owes it to me. God I wish this pain would go away. He has nothing more to do with the slut, She moved on and broke up another home, ended up marrying the guy. I try not talk to my husband, or have much to do with him. Thank God he works all the time and especially 2nd & 3rd shifts. It helps me pretend to be asleep when he gets home. We don’t have kids at home, but now our kids want nothing to do with their dad. They won’t speak to him. They hate him…

  3. Tiffany

    It seems like i wrote the words myself when i read ur blog. I am only at 8 months post d-day. Still finding it hard to cope. I cant imagine i will ever feel better but all i do is pray for it.
    I dont know why reading ur blog helps me… I guess misery loves company