Today is day 298.

Last night I dreamt we were shopping and there was a famous tennis player in the town and she was beautiful, and sexy… and my husband liked her. He said “she’s fit” and I took it all in my stride, laughing it off.

Then we were in our spare bedroom, and he was sitting in the baby crib (I was dreaming lol) and he said “I’m not in love with you” and I asked him what he meant and he said “I really liked that tennis player… but I mean,REALLY liked” and then said he didn’t want to be with me anymore.

The next thing I knew I could hear my husband’s voice saying “babe, babe, it’s ok” and I woke to find I was crying and struggling to catch my breath in my sleep… my husband was rubbing my arm trying to wake me up. Once I was conscious I sobbed my heart out as he held me. He kept saying “I’m not doing anything, I love you” … but all I could think of was, how long before he tells me he doesn’t love me anymore?

More to the point, how long before I feel confident in his love again? Because I know it’s me and my issue… he does everything physically possible (and more) to make me feel loved. But his affair stops a lot of it being absorbed.



Filed under Coping

2 responses to “Crying

  1. MyHeart

    Good question, how long before I feel confident in his love again? They could be doing everything right, but that badgering doubt and the expectation of his upcoming words stating “he needs his space” really send me over the edge at times. Only time can tell!

  2. Candace Grimes

    Actions speak louder than words. My husband still says all the right things. But he said them bf he cheated too. So now they sound hollow I know he loves me but that didn’t stop him the first time and I am afraid it won’t stop a second time. Although he swears it will never happen again.