I received a comment yesterday on my Love ❤ post, accusing me of painting the aftermath of an affair as ‘rosy’.
I was quite upset by this comment, mainly because the last thing I would ever want to do is pretend that an affair doesn’t COMPLETELY destroy lives and cause absolute devastation… if someone thinking of cheating ever reads my blog and thinks everything will be ok if the affair is ever discovered, then I have really f*cked up in my writing.
I blog mainly for me, so I can look back at the progress I have made in my own marriage, because, at times, the ‘2 steps back’ feeling makes you feel like you’re getting nowhere, when actually you are. My story is different to anyone else’s and our recovery the same. I’m not going to blog telling the world we’re unhappy, if we’re not.
I suspect the reader/commenter has not read much of my blog. When I skip through my posts, I notice – if anything – an awful lot of negative stuff – outlining how damaged things are, how much I have changed (not for the better) and how miserable I am – at times. I find it quite hurtful to be accused of being TOO HAPPY, after my husband did the worst thing I can possibly imagine.
I recently wrote some monthly summary-type pages for reference, and a quick way for readers (and myself) to see how things were at specific times following D-Day. In one, I wrote – and highlighted I AM GLAD HE HAD AN AFFAIR.
In the original context, it went like this:
It feels like we’re more in love than we’ve ever been, and in some ways I am relieved this happened.
Yes, I just said I AM GLAD HE HAD AN AFFAIR.
Of course, I’m not. But I do wonder if I could go back and stop it happening…. where would we be heading now? Ignorant of all the things we’ve since learned about each other…. ignorant of how NOT indestructable we are. I can’t help but think we were on the path to divorce… eventually… maybe. Who knows?
The original post is here.
If I was wrong to write that, I sincerely apologise… but I stand by it. I would do ANYTHING to change what has happened, and so would my husband. I would not wish an affair on my worst enemy….BUT we know each other better now…. have learnt invaluable things about our own vulnerabilities, and fallen more in love. We now know that we can’t afford to sit back and ‘be married’ and expect it to just work. It takes effort, patience, understanding, selflessness, consideration, affection, intimacy and love. We believed love was enough, and it carried us for 12 years… but no longer than that. Something had to show us we needed to put more in… and the affair did that.
Thoughts on this would be appreciated….